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Joke of the Day

"Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries? Traitor Joe's"

"What do you call a disease that only effects ducks? A mallard-y"

"I lost both my hands in a car crash... But there is a silver lining somewhere. I just can't put my finger on it."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills."

"Everybody laughed at me when I told them I was going to be a comedian. I thought,""Well,that's not bad for a start."""

"I just think there are a lot more animals out there we could be eating."

"Vladimir Putin is dressing up in a taco costume... I guess you could say he was Putin' on the Ritz."

"The joke that made me subscribe to this subreddit: I love being bipolar. It sucks."

"What I Say To 7: ""This is just between us"" What 7 Hears: ""Tell Mom everything and please embellish it to make it sound 100 times worse"""

"A mosquito walks into gang territory looking for blood... All he finds are cripz."