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Joke of the Day
"Yo momma's so dense she has an accretion disk I'm so sorry..."
Next Joke
"What doesn't Princess Leia like toy guns? Because the Nerf hurt her."
"Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand."
"First take an ass and put another ass behind it. Then I come. Then the whole nation comes after me.... That is how you spell assassination"
"Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait."
"5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies."
"In retrospect, when the cop pulled me over & asked ""where's the fire"", stroking a lighter & whispering ""haven't decided yet"" was a mistake."
"Do zombies rule? Of corpse they do!"
"No thanks, toilets that flush. -kids"
"I am looking for two Chinese people to help me improve legislation for animals in Asia. That way, two wongs can make a right."