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Joke of the Day

"My hair's gone mad today if anyone needs a small furry animal smuggled anywhere."

"I just bought some ""ribbed cotton tank t-shirts"" at WalMart. You'd think that'd be the one place on earth they'd call them wifebeaters."

"Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"Give a man a fish... Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to google, he quits asking dumbass questions."

"What's the difference between me and Santa? Santa only comes down your chimney."

"""MAYBE IT'S THE TRANSMISSION!"" I scream helpfully when I drive past anyone who's car is broken down on the side of the road..."

"I pulled a girl in a nightclub last night. She said ""What the fuck are you doing"" and walked back out."

"Girl: Mom mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well keep out of the kitchen I've just washed the floor."

"Misanthropy I joined the local misanthropes society but none of the other members like me."

"Doctor pulls a thermometer out of his top pocket... ""Some asshole's got my pen"""