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Joke of the Day

"The things that you love are what makes you who you are. I guess that makes me large breasts...."

"Why are carbon chains with two double bonds so sad? Because they're diene"

"[In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth...] EARTH: yo GOD: what? EARTH: send nudes GOD: *creates Adam & Eve* EARTH: nice"

"Never underestimate a woman sitting quietly in a corner sharpening a knife."

"I woke up one day and your name just didn't make me smile anymore."

"I'm still disappointed that The Phantom Menace was never nominated for an Academy Award... ...for Best Animated Film."

"On Thursday, the captain of the crashed cruise ship Costa Concordia went back to the wreck for the first time since the accident. Said the captain, ""It looks so different sober."""

"I grow herbs in my bed. Bed thyme."

"I always ask my dad for help Whenever I ask my dad for help with something, he always tells me that I'm a faggot and how should already have a job. I only 30 years old dad, there are child labor laws."

"What did Sacagawea the frog say in the trampoline factory? I'm very hoppy."