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Joke of the Day

"My wife said, ""You always blame everyone else when things go wrong"" I said..""And whose fault is that?"""

"What do you call two stoners sharing a joint over dessert? Joint custardy"

"I lost my mood ring... I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this."

"Lesbian relationships The other day a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently ""in HD"" was the wrong answer."

"I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y."

"Alzheimer's cop: do you know why I pulled you over?"

"When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can't open my eyes under water"

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye 'maighty"

"What did the gentleman say to the doctor when he went to get his pus drained? Please! I in cyst!"

"Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat. He screams: ""help, I don't know how to swim!"" His partner replies: ""just fake it!"""