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Joke of the Day
"Ok What kind of hole do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A paedophile."
Next Joke
"My retirement plan is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right."
"Me: *gets all four daughters dressed* Wife: I want everyone in Christmas dresses. Me: But- Wife: Everyone. Me: Fine. *puts on my dress*"
"Knock knock new fone who dis"
"I overdosed on Viagra once. It was the hardest day of my life."
"Today i asked my friend how hungover he was... He replied. ""Well on a scale of one to Amy Winehouse its not looking so good."""
"Looking for new roommates on Craigslist... ...is it too anal to ask whether or not they're into it?"
"Wife: Where did all this glitter come from? Me: Jake, at State Farm."
"Where does the Federal Reserve hide all of its dirty profits? In debasement."
"I don't lie. I have, however, invented my own language which uses a lot of the same words as English but with somewhat altered meanings."