204067

Joke of the Day

"I don't lie. I have, however, invented my own language which uses a lot of the same words as English but with somewhat altered meanings."

"Doctor: ""Your x-ray showed a broken rib... ... but we fixed it with Photoshop."""

"Pharmacist: Don't take this while driving and make sure you eat- *crushes pill and snorts off the counter* ""Ok"""

"People ask where I see myself in 5 years But I always tell them that I don't have 2020 vision"

"When I see someone laughing to themselves in public, I love to imagine what they're thinking about, even though deep down I know: it's memes"

"Ever since I ate that Dominos artisan style pizza I can't stop painting my bathroom."

"Knock knock. Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget!"

"Rum: ""Drink me."" Me: ""No, I'll get a hangover."" Rum: ""Nah, you'll get funnier and better looking!"" Me: ""Really?"" *drinks* Rum: ""Sucker."""

"A limerick for The Isle of Skye When I was on the Isle of Skye I overdid the old Spanish fly I had a stiff member From the fourth of December Till Friday the tenth of July"

"What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee? Britney Spears"