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Joke of the Day

"I am like an electron.... My wife can only make guesses at my precise location by means of a probability function"

"[Interview] ""Do you have any previous experience dealing with animals?"" [flashback to my flatmate leaving toast crumbs in the butter] ..Yes."

"A Chick, A 1% and A Black Guy walk into a Bar and ask: ""What time is the next debate?"""

"What kind of ears does an engine have? Engineers"

"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A Flat Miner."

"The Flat Earth Society Has members all around the globe."

"so true story, i just mindlessly outstretched my fingers to graze the rear end of a Macy's mannequin that turned out to be a real human man"

"A sandwich is better than sex. Because nothing is better than sex and a sandwich is better than nothing."

"I have a job circumcising elephants at the zoo... The pay sucks, but the tips are great!"

"Top of my Med School Class: I don't just play God, I win. *definitely not remotely true*"