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Joke of the Day

"[moments after time traveling to 1863] LINCOLN: four score & seven years ago ME: [behind a tree] JUST SAY IT NORMAL"

"Ugh. ""What's wrong honey?"" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*"

"I think my girlfriend might be a vegetarian... ...because I've never met a girl like herbivore."

"Can I buy you a drink? ""I don't drink."" *panics* Oh. Um...well, here's $12."

"A sandwich walks into a bar The bartender stares at it blankly and says, ""I'm sorry, we don't serve food."""

"A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and the bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

"What cow produces milk and potatoes Your mother."

"I used to be addicted to soap But I'm clean now"

"5,""So we don't get to open any presents today?"" Me, ""No."" 5, ""So basically Thanksgiving is just Christmas for your tummy, right?"""

"What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wassa B."