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Joke of the Day

"My daughter called me ""lame."" Let's see how ""lame"" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT"

"Where do pregnant chickens keep their ultrascan images? In a photo albumen. \_()_/ "

"COP: Your home was robbed ME: Dang I had a self-designed alarm system C: Didn't work M: Back to the drawing board C: They stole that M: Dang"

"90% of being a parent is shouting, ""Remember to flush the toilet."" The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone."

"My psychic is a talented blind woman. She has a fifth sense."

"What do 8 hobbits make? A hobbyte."

"Wife: ""Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?"" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] ""Who would do that?"""

"You always hear people saying suicide isn't the answer... But how do they know it's not the answer if they haven't tried it? I haven't heard one person complain after suicide."

"I know my wife is cheating with my best friend Her pussy tastes like his dick."

"Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste **funny**."