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Joke of the Day

"What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables."

"What's Harry Potter's favourite way of getting down a hill? Walking. ... JK Rolling."

"Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, that's more like it."

"I don't think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems... But it's worth a shot."

"So there's 100 000 pascals in a bar..."

"Kessel Run With his latest crash, Harrison Ford has become the first pilot to complete the Kessel Run in 12 over Par-secs."

"So I bought shoes from a drug dealer today... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!"

"[hitting a beach ball back and forth with son] *accidentally hits it over his head and into an outdoor concert* ""don't bother son, its gone"""

"[quietly] ""Always a bridesmaid never the bride"" BRIDE: Hey, you're not one of my bridesmaids! ""Shhh...this day is about you, not me."""

"Two bars of chocolate are falling down the stairs... ...the first one says:""Shit I think I broke my ribs"". To which the second one replies:""So what, I fucking hit my nuts!""."