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Joke of the Day

"I put coffee in my aquarium filter. The water wasn't any cleaner, but the fish swam REALLY FAST."

"[OC] Girls who prefer ""dad bods""... Just want father figures in their lives."

"Looks like someone spent more time at the gym than in English class..."

"The award for best X-Man goes to... Caitlyn Jenner."

"It's not difficult to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile One will see you later, the other in a while."

"The Foo Fighters did a really good job, because I haven't had to deal with any Foo in years."

"7: ""Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?"" Me: ""Are you the someone?"" 7: ""Maybe"" Holy hell."

"""I'm sorry, but are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"" -Fun way to confuse a waiter who just suggested a menu item"

"Jack All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no pay makes Jack a Mexican."

"Look, lady, you can either be disappointed that I have an average penis, or excited that I have a GIGANTIC micropenis."