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Joke of the Day

"Looking for a job on Craigslist. A guy wants to pay $150 to borrow a valid driver's license to rent a car. What could possibly go wrong?"

"What is that the more you desire, the less you can get? Beautiful girls."

"How does procrastination start? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"get the butter out hillary is toast!"

"A priest checks into a Hyatt... A priest checks into a Hyatt. Asks the front desk, ""Is the porn channel disabled?"" Guy at the front desk replies, ""No, you sick fuck. It's regular porn."""

"I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like... ""Who are you?"" and ""Is that a gun?"""

"An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don't really expect much to happen..."

"You know what the downside about Crotchless panties is.. One ball always manages to slip out.."

"What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common? Neither of them can finish a play"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? My pad or yours?"