89314

Joke of the Day

"[invention of kissing] WEIRD PERSON: Hey let me lick the inside of your mouth EVEN WEIRDER PERSON: Ok"

"I love how Xanax spelled backwards is retard"

"Where does the president keep his armies? in his sleevies!!!"

"Even if you don't have to poop, bathrooms are still a nice place to take your pants off and sit for a while."

"A Roman walks into a bar an orders a martinus. ""You mean a martini?"" asks the bartender. The Roman replies, ""If I wanted more than one I would have said martini"""

"Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday! What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?"

"Her: YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT! Me: Well... at least I'm not all of the shit"

"I'm at my most Michael Phelps when I find out someone has peed in the pool."

"Dating: *prances around in underwear and his t-shirt* Marriage: *Unzips footed unicorn onesie* Do you think this mole is cancer?"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Actually, I should probably stop masturbating at this point."