116358

Joke of the Day

"Dating: *prances around in underwear and his t-shirt* Marriage: *Unzips footed unicorn onesie* Do you think this mole is cancer?"

"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've already lost three days."

"For some of us the internet should have probably been the best man at our wedding if we were being honest."

"A white supremacist, racist, and antisemite walk into a bar Oh wait, that's the White House"

"How does a duck swim from one side of the pond to the other? Very Quackly"

"My mom woke up early every morning to cut the crusts off my sandwiches for lunch at school. She knew the crusts were my favorite part. She hated me so much."

"Did you hear about the native American who tried to beat the world record for drinking the most tea? The next day he was found dead in his tea pee"

"Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white? Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove"

"Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract. That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult."

"What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have adquired over a.... *Accidentally drops cell phone on the toilet*"