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Joke of the Day

"Mickey and Minnie Mouse are going through a divorce. Mickeys lawyer says "" you can't get a divorce because your wife is a little crazy."" To which Mickey replies ""no I said she's Fucking Goofy!"""

"Press 'B' really fast after asking a girl out on a date to increase your chances of catching her"

"*Holds an old lady's hand as I help her across the street* don't worry ma'am i'm sure the doctors can sew it back on"

"A man goes to the library and asks for a book about suicide. The librarian stares at him for a while and then asks ""But who is going to bring it back?"""

"Now that pinterest, instagram and netflix are down, I think I'm just going to spend the weekend learning the names of my children."

"Happiness is like peeing in your pants ...everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth."

"What was Lenin's favourite film? Tsar Wars episode III: Revenge of the scythe."

"What type of missiles were used in the Movie Top Gun? ""Tom"" Cruise Missiles."

"what do you call a racist Mexican a member of the que que que"

"why do they put gates around a graveyard? Because people are dying to get in"