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Joke of the Day
"Eat 70,000 small meals each day to keep your metabolism going strong."
Next Joke
"Maybe your jeans are distressed because you're wearing them?"
"A Spanish speaking magician says that he will disappear on the count of three. ""Uno.. Dos.."" and poof! He was gone without a tres."
"I took a Holocaust class in college. Instead of A's the professor gave out gold stars."
"[date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct"
"Strawberries are like porn stars. They both have the seed on the outside."
"I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them."
"*pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*"
"Boyfriend is talking about taking me on a camping trip. Like, a real one where we'll sleep in a tent and pee outside. Is he mad at me?"
"Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!!"