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Joke of the Day

"I once went five years without having sex then I turned six and my uncle raped me"

"What does Delia Smith say when she wants to fight a road? 'Let's be avenue.'"

"What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium -old but good"

"How do you become a hobbit? Eat, shrink and be Merry!"

"What do you get if an elephant has sex with a rabbit? A dead rabbit with a gaping asshole."

"Why is a baker's dozen 13 instead of 12? In case one dozen come out right."

"I prefer regular taxis to Uber in NYC cause the driver and I can both treat each other like shit without worrying about getting a bad grade"

"No one should knock on Oscar Pistorius front door tonight.. Last time, his girlfriend said ""trick or treat"" and he shot her."

"Lawyer: Your Honor, this verdict is bullshit. I'm outta here! Judge: Litigator! Lawyer: After a while crocodile."

"So a black guy walks into a bank... Approaching the nearest available teller, he says, ""Hi, I'd like to file for bankruptcy."" ""Okay"", the teller replies, ""what's your name?"" ""Fifty Cent"" badum tisss"