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Joke of the Day

"Reduce stage fright with a little vodka before the show. Bring enough vodka for everyone, and you won't even have to perform."

"If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target."

"See the problem with the left is that... the wrong people are getting the abortions."

"What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat."

"what did the cloud say to the atmosphere? what the hail was that?!"

"Saying ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" means basically the same thing... ...except at a funeral. Edit:Thank you Demitri Martian for the joke"

"If two rap artists adopted a child... Would it be named Lil Jon Wayne?"

"Remember that time when we got trapped on a ski-lift for 4 days, then the acid wore off and we were just sitting on my grandmas porch-swing."

"What do you call a blind german? A not-see"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped snow white"