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Joke of the Day

"If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target."

"There's a serial killer in our house! Normal people: ""CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"" - In movies: ""Lets go find him"" -___-"

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light."

"My Life Sucks... Because my wife doesn't."

"What movie did Ray Charles go to see in 1993? Jurassic Dark"

"Bloody Fords! How is a voiceless crow like a Ford dealer? They both have broken kaa's."

"[11am] Me: oh look, it's sunny out. Me: I should go running. Me: or swimming! Me: these Doritos are delicious."

"I was chatting with a deaf person on omegle. He asked me ""ASL?""."

"Hey chicks who wear a buttload of make-up. Don't borrow someone else's iPhone to make a call. You leave half of your face on the screen."

"What do you get when you cross a Barbie Doll with the Pillsbury Doughboy Some rich know-it-all bitch with a yeast infection"