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Joke of the Day

"If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target."

"Why will you never go hungry in a desert? Because of all the sand which is there."

"""The ankle so important to a basketball player."" Something the announcer just said."

"Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter."

"I bet George Washington's favorite drinking game had to have been Quarters."

"What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers? An oxymormon."

"""Do you like Tolstoy?"" ""Of course. Who doesn't?"" ""What's your favourite book?"" ""The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him""."

"I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning."

"My wife asked me about where to put a dish when unloading the dishwasher... I looked at her and said ""As a French whore would say 'Put it anywhere it fits.'"