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Joke of the Day

"Going to McDonald's is like going to the strip club... At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed."

"I spilled coffee on my laptop. now it won't go into sleep mode.."

"""I'm in international waters, your damn laws can't touch me"" I scream to the police as I dog paddle naked in my neighbors swimming pool."

"The Grapes of Wrath 2: The Raisins of Revenge"

"I have found that a positive pregnancy test will cure hiccups."

"Hello from the other side Bye."

"Why do melons have traditional weddings? Because they can't elope!"

"[first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*"

"Why did the guy having sex with a latina girl bust his load early? Because ""Ay papi!"""

"If a tree falls down and only a woman hears it, what the fuck was a tree doing in my kitchen?"