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Joke of the Day

"No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word."

"If I ever commit suicide, I wanna jump off a cliff w/an open umbrella so people wonder if I thought it would bring me safely to the ground."

"Why were the coal miners confident of Theodore Roosevelt ? He threatened their boss to use his big stick."

"What do you call it when a therapist falls down for no reason? A Freudian slip."

"Q&A Q: What did Norman Bates call his little sister? (You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)"

"Every single person on this subway is staring at their phone and I'm so appalled I have to tweet about it."

"I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet."

"No strings attached relationships are all fun and games until you fall for a guitar. Or a marionette. Or a yo-yo."

"How does a farmer count cows? with a cow-calculator."

"What did the strawberry say on December 25th? Berry Christmas!"