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Joke of the Day

"Where did Josef Stalin watch pornography? On Redtube."

"Ok, but like, how married are you?"

"Show someone you love them today by rearranging the apps on their phone."

"Am I in a safe neighborhood? I only see 2 stores that exclusively sell lacrosse equipment."

"""Full bath?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Double beds?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Pool?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Maid service?"" ""Yes sir"" ""WIFI?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Kids, I found a campsite!"""

"My wife found out I was cheating... ... after she found the letters I was hiding. She got real mad and said that she'd never play Scrabble with me ever again."

"I want to get stoned like I cheated on my Iranian husband."

"What's it called when you apologize using dots and dashes? Remorse code."

"Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand."

"Battlefield calls 911 Battlefield: Hi I'd like to turn myself in for a murder 911: Who's the victim? Battlefield: Call of Duty"