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Joke of the Day

"Jesus reading the list of sins OH MY GOD WHO DID THAT? OH MY GOD WHO DID THIS? ...Dying."

"Rorschach has some nice paintings I'm just confused why they are all pictures of my penis"

"My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me."

"I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens."

"Everyone quits smoking when they die, which sucks cause dying is a really stressful event that would be helped quite a bit by a cigarette."

"Women are like the Call of Duty games. If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone."

"I've put a hole in a bar of soap and I use it to masturbate. Normally I wouldn't share this kind of information, but I just have to cum clean."

"Being successful is like getting pregnant.. ..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked."

"I only wear dresses on sad occasions, like funerals and weddings."

"When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly."