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Joke of the Day

"My son cried when I gave him his breakfast this morning. I made him scrambled eggs, covered them in ketchup & told him it was Humpty Dumpty."

"Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine."

"I am 99% sure USA's Student's t is 2.576. Because America got an infinite degree of freedom."

"I hear seatbelts save lives! Nope, nevermind, still have cancer."

"Why is it hard to watch two elephants boxing? Because they've got the same color trunks."

"I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. All he does is eat, drink and be Mary!!."

"I found out last night that trail mix makes me gassy. So, in reality, I don't know what the fuck makes me gassy."

"Women love a man in uniform, but especially a uniform made from chocolate bars and $100 bills."

"What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common? There's no room for jack, on both of them"

"House is a mess ... Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial"