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Joke of the Day

"My son cried when I gave him his breakfast this morning. I made him scrambled eggs, covered them in ketchup & told him it was Humpty Dumpty."

"Tried to prank my Tibetan Buddhist friend. I tried to prank my Buddhist friend from Tibet, I told him the Dalai Lama had died. He was skeptical and said ill bereave it when I see it."

"Why did the dick go to 7-11? To get a Slurpee."

"Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*"

"No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace."

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten - one to hold the light bulb and nine to drink until the room spins! Happy St. Patrick's day!"

"What did Neil Armstrong do after walking on the moon before Buzz Aldrin did? *Apollo*gize."

"Please ignore this status..... I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting."

"Stealing mosquito repellent... Jacking Off!"

"When is a fetus viable? To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school. -my mom heard this on the radio"