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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather died in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany... ... he fell from a watchtower when he got drunk again."

"How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change"

"How does everyone have so much to say? All I want to do is eat and stare at stuff."

"What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year."

"Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks? Because they were neckromancers"

"My wife was acting crazy recently. Now I have to remove her blood from the carpet. Her menstrual blood."

"What do JFK and Obama have in common? Well, nothing yet."

"What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum? Bad Breath and Beyond."

"the worst part of the robot uprising will be the constant software updates"