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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""I'm going to bed, honey."" Husband: ""Okay, sweetheart. I'll go get you a tylenol."" Wife: ""But why? I don't have a headache."" Husband: ""Great! Let's fuck."""

"If fake tans make you look more attractive then logically so will rolling your naked body in Cheetos dust."

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"I noticed a bank teller having trouble counting coins so i bumped into his desk and knocked some cents into him."

"cop: ""you're drunk, get out of the car."" judas: ""bbut I've bbeen on tthe water all night."" - [jesus whistles innocently]"

"What do you call a Norwegian prostitute? A fjord escort."

"My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me."

"I need to workout ASAP I gotta start working out or something man. Was struggling to get all the juice squeezed out of a lemon. Not cool"

"Name the only building in the world with 80,000 stories The library (My 6yo told me to tweet this)"

"What does a vampire on a diet drink? Blood Lite Thanks Jim Butcher..."