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Joke of the Day

"Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It's like, pick a side, babies."

"I fell off a forty foot ladder today.... lucky I was on the bottom rung."

"Remember not to laugh at your ex wife's choices. You were one of them."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, I kicked the piece of shit before it did."

"I bought my son a pet snake and the salesman said ""Be careful those snakes grow up to 20 feet"" I said ""Shut up...snakes don't grow feet!!!!"""

"An old married couple wins 10 million dollars from the lottery. ""What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?"" the woman asks her husband. ""Keep sending them!"""

"I wish my kid had a ""BAD MOTHERFUCKER"" tattoo so that when asked which one was mine I could say ""THE ONE THAT SAYS BAD MOTHERFUCKER ON IT!"""

"I just want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa... Not like the passengers in his car who were screaming quite loudly."

"I can't diet because it would devastate the local fast food economy, and frankly, I just don't think I could live with that kind of guilt."

"Johnny Depp would have made an excellent Catwoman."