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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."

"I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza last night. Must use Aloha setting."

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"

"I finally decided I want to be a car mechanic. Guess it just took some motor-vation."

"If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body, your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family."

"That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who's really attractive, only cause it's too hard to walk away from the mirror."

"The Sombero. A more restrained sombrero you wear at solemn occasions, like funerals."

"Obviously, Mario Kart is not a documentary. It's a dramatization of real events."

"I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES ""Don't you mean catlike-"" BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]"

"I don't understand you,"" cried my girlfriend. ""One minute you're really offensive to me and the next you're really polite."" ""Bitch, please,"" I said"