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Joke of the Day

"As soon as you see the cop approaching, throw the bag of weed in his hands and do a citizen's arrest."

"After doing it once they said a prostate exam is like riding a bike.. Without the seat."

"""I'd like to raise a toast."" *Cradles bread in arms, accepting this step into motherhood*"

"Am I financially wealthy? No. But am I rich when it comes to relationships, happiness, and experiences? Still no."

"I only remember the punchline: ""Follow the yellow-dicked toad!"" Anyone know the joke?"

"Remember, when someone calls you mean... just tell them that you prefer the term average."

"What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom."

"Stages of inebriation: Sociable, fun, hilarious, inappropriate, bitter, sad, need new pants, need new friends."

"Editing a supercut of characters saying ""Don't go there!"" in movies because I can't figure out a way to contribute less to my fellow man."

"What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios? Donut seeds."