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Joke of the Day

"The frustration I feel untangling my earbuds before I use them never translates into me putting them away neatly when I'm done."

"Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen"

"Job interview tip: Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise."

"A friend of mine died late last night I woke up in mourning."

"My erection lasted for more than 4 hours. I called my doctor, but he didn't seem too impressed, so I showed it to some people at the mall."

"What do you call a detective from Glasgow with three feet? A Scotland Yard."

"What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship."

"I once solved a Rubik's Cube by not buying it."

"What gets harder the more you play with it? A Rubik's cube, you dirty minded individuals!"

"My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really. She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack."