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Joke of the Day

"Like a good neighbor State Farm and I haven't ever spoken."

"I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter... I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school."

"How much do flying broomsticks cost at Hogwarts? Quid each."

"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."

"My friend and I were finally able to laugh off how competitive we are with each other. But I laughed harder."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink"

"What does a shaved otter look like? Odder... Sorry"

"If I had a dollar for every time I said this I would be making money in a real weird way! Best comic I ever heard, Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)."

"KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I'm not committed to it actually happening."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue when he drank his coffee? ....Because he drank it before it was cool."