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Joke of the Day

"I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl. I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages."

"There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body."

"A priest and a rabbi Are walking past a school, the priest says to the rabbi hey want to screw a little boy and the rabbi says to the priest screw him out of what?!"

"With a stolen credit card, who WOULDN'T go straight to Wendy's to get 2 Double Stacks and a small Sprite? So thanks for asking for ID, lady."

"Yes, they're good. But mangoes act like they know they're good, and that's unappealing to me."

"I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying"

"Q: What do you call a cow who's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated."

"The people working at Petco.... ...hate when you refer to them as pet-ophiles."

"I formed a band with my therapy group. It was fun for a while, but we couldn't make it big. Our album 'Appetite for Self-Destruction' didn't do well with the critics."

"""Eat right and exercise?!?... I dunno...seems like some kind of a scam, Doc."""