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Joke of the Day
"if boris johnson was priminster he'd make all of us shop at Borrisons"
Next Joke
"Marriage counselling because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they're being an ass."
"I was pleased with the first day of The World Cup, and even more pleased that it didn't turn into ""2 Girls, 1 World Cup"" as I had feared."
"i may look like im listening to music but really i have my volume on 0 and im listening to everyones conversations because im a true spy kid"
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
"What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles? The Pro-lease department"
"Autocorrect changed ""stranger"" to ""strangler"" & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that."
"I made a song... in the tuna fish"
"I like my baked beans how I like my women... http://imgur.com/tePZMFy"
"Actual voice mail: ""Molly, this is your mother. I just texted you but I don't know how to make the facey-things so...happy face at the end."""