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Joke of the Day

"Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that"

"Five out of four people Have a problem with fractions"

"I didn't know what to do with all the gifts my ex gave me. So I took antibiotics until they went away."

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and everyone knew, you were still out shopping, yes, it sucks to be you."

"Oddly enough, when ducks take pictures of themselves, they make the drunk sorority girl face."

"I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid."

"I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket .... Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments"

"Wife was in ICU Doctor: She is in a coma. Husband: Please save her. She's just 30. *Just then, ECG starts beeping. Fingers move. Her lips mumbled... And she spoke: I'm 29"

"I always carry a flashlight with me. That way, if someone locks me in their car trunk, I can entertain myself with cool shadow puppets."

"Him: sex tonight? Me: Work put me in a bad mood Him: tomorrow? Me: I have a headache tomorrow"