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Joke of the Day

"[NYE] ME: *wearing 2017 glasses* OPTOMETRIST: *rubbing his temples* Stephanie your eyesight may be bad but you really only need one pair"

"Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy."

"Why is glue white? If it were black it would run. It just wouldn't work."

"I'm not staying up all night to get lucky. If it doesn't happen by midnight, I'm going to bed."

"Attention r/jokes Beginning January 20th, 2017, the real joke will no longer be found in the comments. It'll be found in the White House."

"He's a recovering alcoholic: recovering from last night!"

"What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler? How red their necks are."

"A double entendre walks into a bar..."

"give a man a fish and you feed him for a day Teach a man how to Google how to fish and he'll watch fish porn for the rest of his life"

"WHY DO WE ALLOW OTHER COUNTRIES TO TAG THEIR NAME ON TO SOMETHING AND SELL US LIES WHEN THEY DO IT WRONG? CANADIAN BACON? ENGLISH MUFFINS?"