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Joke of the Day

"My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last."

"I forgot how to throw a boomerang And then it came back to me"

"On a recent flight I was surprised to be served breakfast. Although it was only plane yogurt."

"When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever."

"Of course every kiss begins with k. That's how the English language works, stupid."

"If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know."

"Drunk. In Wal Mart. Fuck."

"""If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my Sven."" -Kristoff"

"Say ""Rise Up Lights"" out loud You just said ""Razor Blades"" in an Australian accent"

"ME: I had salmon for lunch. WIFE: the L is silent. ME: Ha, I knew that. I meant unch."