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Joke of the Day

"KID: are you sure this will work? ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?"

"Today I decided to burn a lot of calories... So I lit a fat kid on fire!!!"

"How do you top a car? tep on the brake, tupid!"

"Frostbite!! It snow joke!!"

"Why should you never kiss a slutty bird? Because you might get chirpies, which is a canararial disease, but don't worry, it's tweetable."

"Why did the fatty cross the road? Because the free pizza wouldn't"

"What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office? I can clearly see ""you're"" nuts...."

"Sweep her off her feet, but not like the bad guy from Karate Kid."

"How bill Gates counts 1 2 3 95 98 XP Vista 7 8 10 I bet he failed math"

"Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure"