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Joke of the Day

"your mom's so fat her nickname is ""damn!"""

"Learning how to say ""where the hell am I?"" in eight languages. Just in case."

"[hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?"

"I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said ""No!"". For one thing, we don't have any kids..."

"Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case? because pipe clock would have just been stupid."

"Finally time for Donald Trump to.. Finally time for Donald Trump to have his long-pending anus transplant. He really needs to stop shitting from his mouth now."

"Am sorry boss, I know I said I'd do that report this morning. But the girl next to me on the train was wearing a short skirt, & I forgot I even had a job."

"thought being on acid at ikea would be scary but it was fine and i told people who walked the wrong way ""there are arrows here to guide you"""

"Oral makes your whole day... But anal makes your hole weak!"

"A Russian wife goes to police station. Russian Wife: My husband went to the market yesterday to bring potatoes. He has not returned home yet. Russian Inspector: Why don't you cook something else?"