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Joke of the Day
"Why don't you buy your wife a watch? There's already a clock on the stove"
Next Joke
"The people of Pompeii... Mannequin challenge champions since 79AD."
"[very obviously being hit on] hahaha ok well, see you around [4 days later, cutting open a cantaloupe] wait a second"
"Religion is like masturbation. It's okay to practice it at home in private, but when people start gathering to do it together shit goes downhill."
"I got 6 numbers at the bar last night... One more and it would have been a complete telephone number. (special thanks to Kevin Malone)"
"What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Not going to prison for murder."
"I think more research needs to be done on the tube inside your body that carries Taco Bell food directly from your mouth to your butthole."
"Gf vs Wife Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes."
"My 9 year old ran away for an hour and by the time he came back my wife had already turned his bedroom into a yoga studio."
"A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a drink"