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Joke of the Day

"What did Obama say to Michelle when he proposed? I don't wanna be Obama self"

"I've had second thoughts about masturbation... On one hand, it feels great. On the other hand, you don't feel a thing."

"Why is divorce so expensive? BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT!!!"

"The court was very accommodating handing Jared a fifteen year sentence. He'll even be able to take his girlfriend out for her 21st birthday."

"I'm always Frank with my partners. I don't want them knowing my real name now do I?"

"Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool."

"I got some good tips on how to spice my roast chicken... I guess you could say it was (_) ( _)>- (_) Sage advice."

"Nobody's abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa."

"When I go to the bar I get a Lindsey Lohan. It's a Shirley Temple with a lot of coke"

"I bet Oscar Pistorius has a rough time in prison. He can't even stand up for himself."