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Joke of the Day

"1912 called. They want their boring ass concept of a parade back."

"Laughed hysterically and said ""Oh yes, please do"" after the pizza shop guy asked if he could put the sauce in my box. I think I scared him."

"At work today I noted that it's difficult to see yellow marker on white paper... My Asian coworker said, ""Are you trying to say you can't see white and yellow together?"""

"I bet hipsters love Mondays just to be ironic, but mostly because they're unemployed."

"Hey, Morgan Freeman. Donating $1M to Obama's campaign isn't going to make him get older faster so you can play him in the movie."

"Cheesy joke A muenster attacked Emmenthal institution. Everyone cheddared with panic. There was de brie everywhere. It was no Gouda."

"Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)"

"Two lawyers are in a bar, and see a hot blonde sitting alone One of the lawyers looks at her and says ""Boy, I'd love to fuck her."" The second lawyer looked over and responded, ""out of what?"""

"My new career path: 1. Learn soccer 2. Move to Ghana 3. Become the Jackie Robinson of Ghanaian soccer"

"How much did the critic tip the waitor? two cents"