85977

Joke of the Day

"My jumper cables stopped working the other day So I called triple A to bounce up my trampoline"

"I long for the good old days, when all the men wore suits and all the women wore dresses and they put cocaine in soda"

"[God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don't like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I'll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That's not GOD: Done."

"'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood."

"Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish? It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish."

"I bought these pants 50% off. I guess they're shorts now."

"I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Cokey But I turned myself around, and that's what it's all about."

"If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents."

"I bet rapists can get their straw in a Capri Sun on the first try."

"After the title ""The Fate of the Furious"", I just need next 2 movies to be titled Fast *nein* : The Fast and the *Furher*ious Fast10 : your seatbelt"