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Joke of the Day
"How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?"
Next Joke
"""Two thumbs up!"" -man with 12 thumbs reviewing a movie he hated"
"I became a proud dad today. He's four but he was a boring little shit for the first three years."
"There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, ""It sure is hot in here"". The other muffin says, ""Yeah like 350, 375""."
"Why should you never run in front of a bus? You will get tired."
"What is a Word documents least favorite blood type? Type-O"
"Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die? Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground (Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)"
"Where does Santa get presents for bad kids? Kohl's."
"After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance, for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds."
"Joke 3 - What weighs 15,000 pounds and is cursed with a sleeping spell? Princess Aurorasaurus"