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Joke of the Day

"What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common? One dumbass who never pulls out in time"

"MY EX WIFE STILL MISSES ME... But her theoretical trajectory seems to be improving!"

"MC HAMMER: U can't touch this! ... U can't touch this! MASSAGE THERAPIST: Please just let me do my job Mr. Hammer! MC HAMMER: U can't tou..."

"Thanks for a lovely evening, I had a great time. Sure, I'll come in for a coffee. You have a lovely apartmeMY GOD that is a lot of Swastikas"

"If you've had a lightsaber pointed at you while you were on the toilet you may be a parent ...or your life is way more interesting than mine"

"You are what you eat? *eats Natalie Portman*"

"Whats the best thing about being a meth addict? Only two more sleeps until christmas."

"Listening to my coworker cry about her gag reflex not being able to swallow her allergy pills.. All I keep thinking is: Her poor boyfriend.."

"Superman is depressed because he has to change in dirty gas station bathrooms since the telephone booth is now extinct. Poor Superman."

"Africans bring a whole new meaning to lesbians ""Eating each other out"""