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Joke of the Day

"Why did Abe Lincoln and Stephen Douglas get thrown out of the church? Because they were caught mass debating in the bathroom."

"I think my husband cheated on me. Not one of our kids resembles him at all..."

"""Please let go of my hair"" -my gynaecologist"

"One time I intentionally asked a thin woman ""when she was due"" because I was bored. So yeah, I guess you could say I'm into extreme sports."

"When I was a child I could go into a shop with just a pound, and come out with 3 bars of chocolate, 2 cans of coke and a magazine. But these days, fucking CCTV everywhere."

"Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him."

"""If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you, son."" --Jay-Z consoling his son who just started menstruating."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her like an alter boy."

"Black Lives Matter movement organizers lied about total number of followers. It turns out the movement is only three fifths as big as they say it is."

"How do mathematicians scold their children? ""If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."""