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Joke of the Day

"The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take."

"Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks"

"At least he won't annoy his co-workers every week. What did the mother and father camel name their baby born without a hump? Humphrey!"

"I cheated on my drug test, with a younger, more attractive drug test."

"[guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy."

"Hey, Sean Bean, it's either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can't have it both ways."

"Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator."

"greasy... Q: Why are you so fat? A: From eating your mom's greasy pussy."

"Every time Larry picked up his colleagues in NJ and drove them to NYC, his wrists started hurting. He was diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome."

"Telling a girl to calm down: works about as well as trying to baptize a cat."