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Joke of the Day

"I call my Missus's mimsy 'The Tardis' Not because it's bigger inside than I expected. It's just that she's had several dozen companions and at least one dog in there."

"Archaeologists digging in Egypt discovered a Mummy covered in Chocolate and Nuts Experts believe it to be a Pharaoh Roche"

"[date] Me: Have you ever had it so deep your toes curl? Her: No, I'd love that Me: [pulls out 15th century poetry book] get ready Her: um"

"What do you call a handjob in chemistry? Strokeiometry"

"On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn."

"What do gay horses eat ? hayyyy"

"I accidentally ate one of my dog's bones and OH MY GOD THE MAILMAN'S OUTSIDE"

"How did the pig get out of the tree? The swine flu (joke my dad made up a couple years back during all this)"

"WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God"

"Do you know beer makes you smart? It made Bud wiser."