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Joke of the Day
"I took a poop in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."
Next Joke
 
"I had lunch at Uri Geller's house the other day... It was terrible. I ended up with soup all down my front."
"I'm so single my cat has a cat."
"Do vegetarian cops... ....go on stakeouts?"
"I've been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven't seen a single website. That's because you're supposed to sit facing the screen."
"Diner: Waitress the portions are getting smaller. Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the restaurant has been enlarged."
"Guy Who Invented Figurative Speech: I've got something that'll blow your minds. Townspeople: *fleeing in abject terror*"
"Whoever called it getting drunk and not grunk detting just didn't get it."
"Would you like to hear a german joke? Tut mir leid so ein Ding existiert nicht Edit 1: Grammar"
"What are people in motels doing that they need such a steady and reliable source of ice?"