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Joke of the Day

"If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I'd choke to death swallowing it."

"At the doctor's... - Sir, you need to stop masturbating. - Why, doc? - So I can start examining you!"

"Russian computer: ""Enter password"" Me: ""Beef stew"" Russian computer: ""Password not stroganoff"""

"What do you call a black man camping? Criminal intent"

"How do Jewish pedophiles lure in victims? ""Would you like to buy a candy?"""

"Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? He was the skipper!"

"I hate when waitresses flirt with me.. I can't tell if they just want the tip or if they want just the tip."

"I was talking to my buddy Adam Lanza and I asked him if he'd wanna date my 25-year-old friend. He said, ""Yeah! I love taking out twenty - five year olds!"""

"Why couldn't the chameleon change colors? Because it had a reptile dysfunction."

"Even though my dad is a Trump supporter I let him borrow my car because I'm a good person. I mean, I'm going to report it stolen, but still."